OK, ok. I know that I have not been keeping this blog up to date at all. But that does not mean that I have been sitting on the couch and watching TV. all day every day either. (ok so maybe I have)

Jessica and Brandon came over and stayed with us this week it was wonderful to spend time with them. We went to the beach one day and froze our buts off but the crazy thing about that was that there were a million people out in YES IN the WATER What the HECK??!! They must be from lands to the north, with frozen bodies and brains other wise they would know that the water was way too cold to get into.

We played Apples to apples it was the funniest thing ever I have not laughed so hard in a very long time. It felt good. Jess took her kitty midnight home with her. I miss midnight begging from me when I’m cooking, and jumping up on the back of the couch behind me and flicking her fail in my face. I hope that she likes living in an apartment.

I found some photos of when we went to Miami with Linda and Brian this is the light house we sent to it was so awesome. I will post other photos later.

We had so much fun. It was so relaxing!!! I hope we can do something like this again soon. (side note we had to stop a teen from dropping his pop can on that man you can barley see at the bottom of the photo when you are looking down. some peoples children)

We have court on Monday with the girls. They are going to begin the process of terminating the rights of the parents. It will be a bitter sweet day for everyone. But one of the saddest parts is that this is something that at one point I had prayed for with all of my heart and dreamt about.

We are not planning to adopt the girls; this has been an extremely difficult decision to come to. Its not that we don’t love them or even that we don’t want them it’s just that something is not right about them staying with us. It goes deep with in and can’t be explained in words I have tried but it just comes out sounding lame. Will and I have talked and talked about how we feel and we keep coming to the same conclusion. These girls are not our forever children, they belong someplace else with another family.

Some extended family on the mother’s side has expressed some interest in having them but I don’t see that happening, if they had wanted them they would have done more in the begging to get them its been 3 years!!!!!. I’m so tired of all of this, I want my life back. This is not where I wanted this blog to go. I love these little girls with all of my heart and having them happy is top most in my mind. I only wish things were different we were younger, richer and more energetic. When Heidi comes running to me calling mommy, mommy it breaks my heart and I feel like I’m such a terrible hateful person. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for not keeping them.