My Book

I am going to post the first chapter of my book on here, I would love to hear what anyone thinks of it.

Chapter 1
Strong, cold fingers dug painfully into my arms, I struggled frantically to be free of them. Glancing around hysterically I realized that I was being held, suspended above a chasm filled by two massive spheres spinning against one another. Instantly I ceased my struggle and I stared frozen in fear at what lay below me. The friction of the huge orbs motion caused blue lighting to shoot out like static-infused hairs, waving in a wind that never blew in the same direction twice.
Bolts of lighting flashed towards us only to be deflected away by some unseen force, which was able to push aside the electricity like light reflecting off a mirror. However an icy wind remained; tearing at my clothing and whipping my hair so fiercely against my skin, it stung like needles on my face.
The sudden pressure of lips against my ear startled me; they were warm and soothed the burning pain caused by the steady icy wind. “You will never be found” it came as a whisper but, I was certain that it had been shouted so that I could hear what he was saying over the howl of the wind. I strained to see who it was that was doing this to me but his face was blank as if it only existed as a black void.
I opened my mouth to scream but the force of the wind sucked the sound along with my breath away leaving me gasping for air. Suddenly I was released from the crushing grip of his hands and I was falling. No longer protected, the lightning surged towards me like hungry snakes striking at their prey. My skin burned at each contact point. Closing my eyes I wished for death; the pain was beyond anything I thought possible.
Gasping for breath I opened my eyes; the darkness that engulfed me was disorienting. Reaching out I grouped for anything to try and orient myself. I could feel something entangling my body and with frenzied hands I tore at it freeing my legs; the soft fabric pulling away easily and I sat shivering in the cold air.
My disorientation only deepened as I noticed a red glow emanating from out of the darkness. I tried focusing my eyes. My heart thumped heavily in my chest and my throat constricted making breathing difficult. Closing my eyes I pressed my hands hard against them and took a deep breath trying to force myself to relax and think more clearly. Slowly my muddled mind began to calm. Opening my eyes, once more I tried to focus on the deep red glow emitting from out of the darkness. Blinking, I stared at it unwilling to let my confusion over take my emotions. Gradually my mind and eyes cleared and the red illumination blur shifted into my clock glaring 1:45.
Instantly recognition filled my mind and I sat bewildered looking around my dark and silent bedroom. Falling back against my pillow I sighed irritably. Trembling slightly I pulled the blanket that I had previously torn off of me back up and over my chilled body. Silently I started up at the ceiling. The beat of my heart fluttered in my chest, its uneven pulse shifting from swift rhythmic beats to faltering rolling thumps as I relaxed.
I focused on the ceiling with burning eyes, I refused to close them. I knew if I did the dream would come rushing forward and entangle me once more in its horror. The dream was familiar; a constant companion to me for as long as I could remember. Yet that familiarity did nothing to lesson the terror it instilled in me. My arms tingled as if those cold hard hands still gripped me. Shuddering, I rubbed them fiercely trying to force the impression from my mind. As my fingers warmed my arms I paused momentarily on one of the small round scars that covered my arms and legs. Once more I wondered what they were and how I had gotten them. Having no memory of where they had come from frustrated me to no end.
My life before coming into foster care at the age of five was a complete blank. I was told that I had been found wondering the streets of Albuquerque, New Mexico wearing tattered clothing, and covered with terrible burns on my arms and legs. Apparently the burns had been caused by someone repeatedly burning me with a cigarette.
Over the next twelve years I was shuttled from one therapist to another and each one as useless as the one before. At first I had been convinced that they wanted to help me and that I would finally find the answer to what had happened to me. All was going well until one day while poring out my soul to Paul, he was my favorite therapist I had ever had. He was young and handsome and I like talking to him. It felt good to have someone like him take an interest in me. His office was not large but it was filled with fascinating items, mobiles hung from the ceiling and shelves held a multitude of toys. A number of chairs were positioned around the room. One wall was covered by shelves of books their multicolored spines peeking out at me, each a different in size, shape or color yet each one holding between its firm covers fantastic stories to amaze, sadden or entertain.
His desk was positioned in the corner between two large windows; there was a black stand that sat on the edge of his desk that held a silver sculpture that was suspended in thin air like magic. I loved to touch causing it to spin; I would take it off and hold it in my hand and when I placed it back on the black base it would hang suspended in the air, defying every law of physics I knew. The last wall held a large gold framed mirror that was taller then I was. The best chair was positioned in front of this mirror and it made me feel like a queen to sit there. As I gazed expectantly at him as I told him once more of my nightmare, I spoke I slowly began to realize that he was not truly looking at me. This realization crushed me; even though he was looking in my direction he was not looking at me at all he was in fact fixated by his own reflection in the mirror. That realization fell on me as if someone had dropped a ton of bricks on my head; to this day I think that the bricks would have hurt less. He was not even listening to me. I stopped talking and it took a moment for him to notice the silence, I looked at my hands uncomfortably for a moment unable to control the rush of emotion. I left that day without telling him what I had discovered and over the next few weeks I came to realize that was what he did each time I came and so from that day forth I changed.
Soon after that my new goal in life became thinking up ways to irritate my therapists. I stopped expressing my true feelings to them and just started making smart mouth comments to their questions. But the thing I got the biggest kick out of was when they would give me their stupid tests. I would choose the most awful responses I could come up with. There was nothing funnier then playing mind games with therapists. I guess that’s where I first got labeled as having problems with authority figures.
Sighing I rolled over and tentatively closed my eyes but opened them again just as quickly. It was going to be a long night. Lying on my side I tried to get comfortable on the lumpy mattress, not only was I not completely comfortable in my bed, I was not completely adjusted to my new home, the 12th since my wonderful journey through foster care had begun.
My mind wandered aimlessly around fluttering from one pointless thought to another until the drip, drip; drip from the bathroom faucet down the hall brought the thought of my most recent placement to the forefront of my mind. Clovis, New Mexico: a hot, barren speck on the map no one had ever heard of. Why I was sent here was simple: I was a problem the state wanted to forget and the easiest way to forget something was to send the problem someplace as far away as possible. I’m certain they would have loved for me to be placed at area 51 but they must have settled for Clovis instead.
I had arrived in mid-September. School had already started, but Amy, my foster parent, had given me a few days to get acclimated to my new surroundings before signing me up for classes. She told me that she felt it was important for me to get used to her and the other kids before I was thrust into the den of lions or Wildcats as the case may be with Clovis High. So not only did I have to get to know my new “family” I had to learn to navigate the halls of yet another school and make new friends. At seventeen this was not an easy endeavor. I had given up making friends years ago; what’s the point I would only be moving on soon anyway.
Starting a new school rated right up there with getting a tooth pulled. I should have been used to it by now because this was not my first time starting a new school, in fact I thought of myself as quite the pro. Clovis High was the fourth high school I had attended in the last three years, not to mention the myriad of middle and elementary school before that.
So far this school was rating right up there with my worst experiences ever. I had only been in school a few weeks when I attracted the attention of an irritating group of students I referred to as the bug squad. It consisted of Clowie and a group of four or five of her goody-two-shoe friends of hers.
They buzzed around campus like a swarm of mosquitoes descending upon anyone who they felt looked even a little down. Unfortunately for me I must have looked like a giant glowing light bulb of depression because they swarmed down upon me like a cloud of irritating biting insects, hence the term bug squad.
I must have said I’m fine a hundred times a day, but their persistent hovering continued. Their favorite behavior was to slip little notes into backpacks, books or anything for that matter that had been momentarily left unattended. The notes contained happy little sayings that were supposedly designed to ward away the dark moods of a brooding teen. I found them to be more irritating than the chicken pocks I had gotten when I was eight. That fact of the matter was I did not like to be bothered. I liked staying on the outskirts of life happily making my way though this existence with as little contact with others as possible. But Clowie and her groupies were determined to prevent that.
Rolling over on to my back I tentatively shut my eyes. The burning of my eyes was soothed and the fact that my mind was free and clear of my dream was encouraging. Waking up in the middle of the night is the worst it usually took me forever to get back to sleep. Plus the fact that the world silent and sleeping gave my mind nothing to focus on, with the lack of distraction it was constantly rushing off on some tangent or another. There was nothing to drive away the flood of my life that was constantly crashing down on me.
I pulled the blanket up and over my head and pushed my head deeper into my pillow. The previous day rushed forward and crashed against my sealed eyelids. Thoughts and faces flashed across my mind with increasing speed. Like a movie on fast forward images of all kinds hovered in my mind momentarily before flying off to some dark recess of my mind. I rolled over again and willed my mind to empty.

Well if you made it this far Good. LOL Let me know what you think thanks.

Just when you thought the evil spirits were gone…

…theeeeyyyyy’rrrreee baaaaccckkkkk… When we go to bed at night we lock all the doors and close the blinds. We were very surprised one morning recently to hear someone playing with Heidi’s car on the back porch. It’s a “scooter” car you sit on and drive around that has buttons on top to play sounds. Here’s a daytime picture of the car:



Well, as you can see once the blinds are pulled back and the door is opened – car’s buttons are being pushed, but no driver… I know it’s dark, but you get the idea



Once we took out the batteries, no more problems. If it kept playing sounds without the batteries, then we KNOW we have problems…

Wonderful things are happening at our house

Sorry that I have not been better about updating here. Things have gotten pretty busy of late. For one I got a job and I am now working full time and so I have a lot less time to hang out on the computer. I’m working at the same place I worked last year. It’s a contract position again and so I will only be working there until the end of the year.

Some of you may know that the last time I was there it was not a positive experience at all. In fact it was extremely stressful. So why you ask did I go back when I got the call?? Well to be truthful my mouth opened and the words came out before my brain had stopped screaming NO!!!!! but by the time my brain had got control of its self the deed was done and I began work two days latter.

After working there for over a week I can say that I’m so glad that my mouth was in control and not my brain because it has been the best experience at work I have in years. The Lord knew I needed to go back there because I was paralyzed with fear in going back to work after my last experience there. I feel so much more confident and happy, I know now that I when it come time to start looking for my next job I will no longer be held back by my fears.

The other wonderful news we got just today. Will got a promotion at work and he will now be a CSM at Wal-mat he will not be getting more hours but he will be getting paid more for the hours he does work!! He is so happy as is the rest of the family! We will have to go out and celebrate on the next night we are all home!

I have also been working on my book. So for all those who have read the chapters I have done already, you will have to start all over again. Because I’m changing a lot of what I’ve done before thanks to all of the wonderful input and ideas I think its going to be a great story one day. Sorry don’t expect to read it too soon I’m going pretty slow right now but I will let those of you who want to read it when I get some done.

Well that’s all for now, I will have to post photos of Heidi’s and Will’s birthdays that have been in the last few weeks. Boy am I behind.

Ben's new look

Ben wanted a new look. So I took him to get his hair cut, he had been talking about getting his hair colored off and on so when he brought it up again I was not surprised. So that is what he did here are the before and after. I like it!

Our Van is possessed by evil spirits!!!!!

It was quarter to 6 in the morning and Ben, Josh and I were walking out of the ward building after attending early morning seminary. The sky was still dark but there was a hint of gold on the horizon assuring us that once more we were to be blessed with a glorious new day.

I asked Ben if he wanted to drive home and he replied that he was tired and did not want to drive home... Strange he was always jumping at any opportunity to drive. I shrugged it off because teens can be so bipolar. LOL. The drive home began normally in fact I was enjoying it because I did not have to grip the door handle with white-knuckled fear over the common occurrence of one of my sons driving too close to the curb or on coming traffic.

The discussion for the morning was led by Joshua and it was concerning that fact as to why our church says it does not believe in Adams transgressing yet at the same time in the Book of Mormon the Lamanites descendents were cursed with dark skin because of what their parents did.

I’m all for a good discussion on theology but my brain was half asleep and I was having a little trouble getting it ramped up for this depth of a discussion so early in the morning. Somewhere in between me trying to drive and answer Josh’s question I heard Ben fussing about the radio and that it was not working right. I brushed it off as nothing new, mornings generally did not produce the best signal and we were always having to change the channel because of static.

I was at that moment was messing with the AC (yes we do need AC at 6 AM in Florida even in September) I had had it on the defrost mode because the warmth of the out side air and the cool of the inside of the van tends to fog up the windows! It was getting a little on the cold side and so I switched it off. After a second or two the sensation of cold air billowing upon my sandaled feet made its way through my mind and registered I though hey dummy you turned to AC to indoor floor air instead of turning it off. I glanced down and that is when the hair on the back of my neck stood straight up. The AC WAS turned OFF!!

Ok suddenly driving got a lot more difficult I could not figure out how in the world the AC could still be on and blowing when it was turned off. Josh was still going on and on (he was totally oblivious as to what was going on.) That’s when Ben’s insistent chatter regarding the radio registered full force. The radio was turning its self on and off.

I looked at the dash board and the ABS light came on as did the break and air bag lights. I was begging to freak out a bit. At that point the radio turned off completely killing even the clock display. Suddenly the right turn signal turned on and no matter what I did it would not turn off but the crazy thing was it should not be on at all the switch was not switched.

Suddenly the headlights turned off! I was driving in the dark the only light was that of the flashing yellow right turn signal. By this time my heart was pounding and I was finding it hard to understand my mind was shutting down. It was like I was stuck in some Twilight Zone episode. Oh even worse God was angry at Josh for all his questioning.

Josh had by now become aware of our predicament and was silent for a moment. Then he and Ben began issuing instructions as to what was going on and why I don’t honestly know what they were saying. We were about 4 blocks from home when the engine began to falter and the van was jerking down the road the right signal had stopped and I was driving without head lights down a road full of traffic making their way to and from the high school. I was afraid one of those new teen drivers would not see me and crash into me. This fear was the most profound at the four way stop two blocks from my house. Finally it was my turn to go and I stepped on the gas and the car lurched an inch and faltered. There were cars at each street of that intersection I slammed on the gas with all my strength and the van just made tinny jerking motions further into the intersection.

That’s all I needed was for the van to die in the center of a four way stop during the morning rush to get to the high school the traffic jam this would create would be enormous. At this point I let up off of the gas and the van shot through the intersection like some possessed demon!!! What the HECK??? Now the van drives with no gas and stops when I push on the gas? The boys were telling me to just pull over and stop but I was bound and determined to get this monster home and into the driveway so that my wonderful all knowing husband could either cast out the evil spirit with his priesthood power or fix it with his auto know-how. As this point I was leaning towards the need of some holy water.

The driveway was in view and I flipped the left turn signal but nothing happened!! So I griped the wheel and rolled into the driveway. I was never so glad to be home in all of my life! I put the beast in park and turned off the key and the head lights flashed on! Ok dumb things a little late so I reached down to turn them off and click they did not turn off. The radio suddenly turned on as did the AC. So there I sat holding my keys in my had whith everything in the off position but nothing was off. I was frozen. Now I know I would not survive a horror movie I would just sit there like a dolt and go WHAAAATT the heck???!!! Then whack it would be all over for me.

I got out as Will came out of the house the boys had gone for him at my instruction and he calmly said it’s the battery! I’m like no way how in the heck could it be the battery only an evil spirit could keep the lights and stuff on when they were off!! He was insistent I was unrepentant in my belief of something more sinister. I popped the hood as Will grabbed our battery charger and as he attached it to the van I did not cease in my verbal bla bla bla!!!

No sooner did he get it all hooked up and charging when everything instantly turned off. He looked at me with a smug expression and said see. Yes I did see and I was silenced but only for a moment. LOL He asked for my keys and he got into that demented vehicle and turned it over and everything was back to normal.

Wow he does have some powerful priesthood power all he did was to lay his hands on the van and it was fixed. Well mostly. After the battery what charged he took it to the shop and we are now over $300.00 lighter in our pockets because the alternator needed replacing.

What is it with me and haunted technology?????

My haunted house scare

Ghosts have been a constant in my life. For as long as I can remember I knew that we were not alone on this earth and especially not in certain places. Old homes for instance tend to be magnets for the weird and unexplainable.

As I have grown older I have been able to explain away most situations. For instance I have awaken at night thinking I heard someone knocking on the front door, I lay with frozen heart and ears straining to see if they knocked again. Or when I though I heard one of the kids yell MOM in the middle of the night, many a times I would make the trip up the stairs and pear into each bedroom and I look down onto still sleeping forms in bed.

I had come to the conclusion that our subconscious mind becomes restless as we sleep so to keep from being board it begins replaying memories from the day; hence we have dreams. But every once in a wile it stumbles onto the sound files of our minds and begins playing those little sound bites we have stored. I bet it gets its jollies waking us up. I can just visualize it giggling as it watches us trying to figure out if what we had just heard was real or not.

Well such a situation happened to me not long ago. I was sleeping soundly when I thought I heard a “tong” it was low and drifted through the air like a note of some kind. I lay there for a moment lessening and did not hear any more so I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Just as I was about to drift off into sweet nothingness I heard it again. “tong” I quickly sat up in bed I was now pretty certain that I had indeed heard the sound.

I sat motionless my mind methodically going over each and everything possible thing I could think of that would make that sound. I still had a little bit of doubt in my mind that it had actually happened because I was only half awake when I heard it both times. I was just about to lay back down and try and sleep when it happened again. “Tong” now being completely awake I could no longer doubt that I had heard something.

Instantly I knew what it sounded like; the piano. I was momentarily relived by that thought but then the fact that no one was awake and pianos do not generally play all buy themselves made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. The blood began to pound in my ears making it difficult to hear clearly with each beat of my heart echoing in my ears I tried to calm myself with logic. Ah Ha. I know a cat must have stepped on the piano causing the key to sound. I was instantly relived.

Unfortunately my relive was short lived thanks to my ever so logical mind (deep sarcasm here) my mind asked just one thing, how would the cat step on the same note multiple times with out stepping on any other. I tried to visualize one of the kitties perched on the piano bench with paw extended tapping on one key repeatedly. Of course that idea was quickly swept away…”tong” there is was again.

At this point I was no longer frightened just irritated and decided that I was going to investigate the noise. Scooby doo and the gain came to mind and I felt encouraged in my hunt. Silently I slipped out of bed. And glanced at my strong sweet protective hubby snoring softly under those inviting covers but I was determined to find out what was gong on. As I walked out of my bedroom and into the foyer I hesitated for a moment and wondered what I would do if when I went into the front room found a ghost? I paused a moment longer before I proceeded. I knew that what ever I found I would know what to do…I was a mom after all and moms can do anything right?

As I rounded the corner Forest one of our cats jumped down from the sofa. I was relived because know I knew that it had been one of the cats after all. I was just turning around to go back to bed when my eyes fell on the piano and its closed lid. My heart skipped a beat and it felt as if all of the air in the room was suddenly sucked out. I hesitated am moment. My mind ran around its self for a moment and came up empty at this point I decided that bed was the place I should be right now. I was going to cover my head and laugh about this in the morning.

As I walked back to bed I decided to take a potty break after all I was up already. LOL I had just gotten settled when “tong” for only a instant did my blood freeze in my veins, but once more my logical mind came to my rescue the sound did not come from the living room where the piano was but from the family room to my right and I knew that there was nothing in there that could have made that sound and plus the sound was coming a little more frequently now and so I was doubly determined to find the source.

I gathered myself together and left the bathroom and entered the family room when “tong” right next to me (good thing I had just gone to the bathroom) I jumped and quickly turning to my left I could see the pulsing red glare of my dying cell phone…LOL yes it was my cell phone all along I felt so silly but also relived at the same time.

Well that is my experience with my haunted house.

I've come to realize

1. I've come to realize that peace.
Is something this world will never have.

2. I've come to realize that my job...
Is being a mom to my children and a wife to my husband and that it never ends.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving.
I need to turn up the radio and sing at the top of my lungs.

4. I've come to realize that I need.....
to step back and enjoy each moment of my life.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
the drive to reach for the stares.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when....
I lie in bed at night and realize that I have once more wasted my day doing nothing but wish for things to be different and then realizing that I did absolutely nothing to make it so.

7. I’ve come to realize that there…
Is more to life then making money.

8. I've come to realize that money....
is a necessary evil but that you don’t need as much of it as you might think.

9. I've come to realize that certain people....
Are more interested in what others think of them then just being themselves.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always ...
Be unhappy as long as I continue to look back at what might have been.

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)....
live way too far away from me and that I miss them tremendously.

12. I've come to realize that my family...:)
may not perfect but that we are always there for one another.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is used to talk to my daughter who I wish lived closer.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
I had slept in for the first time in months and months.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep....
I worried about one of my children getting ill in the night and I might not hear them in their time of need.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...
that I should have not eaten that bowl of ice cream.

17. I've come to realize that my dad....
Has done a lot of things in his life some good and some not good but he is still my dad and I love him for that good that he is and pray so that I can forgive that which is not good in him.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook....
I hope that someone is on so that we can talk.

19. I've come to realize that today....
Is another day that draws me closer to the end and it frightens me.

20. I've come to realize that tonight....
I will watch HGTV until 11:00 and wake up tired in the morning.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
is another chance for me to make something of myself and to step out of my comfort zone and become the woman I know is hiding deep within me.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
be remembered for something good I have done in my life and that it was not just a waist.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re-post this...unknown to me.

24. I've come to realize that life...
is something that each and everyone of us waist huge portions of watching t.v. or playing on computers.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
will more then likely be like last weekend where nothing will be accomplished and I will feel guilty about wasting it.

26. I’ve come to realize that marriage...
is hard work and if you don’t work on it each and every day you could lose the most important person in your life forever.

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
are just acquaintances who don’t truly know me or even care to.

28. I've come to realize that this year...
has been filled with adventures, heartache, and triumphs.

30. I've come to realize that I should....
be more positive.

31. I've come to realize that I love...
my life even though I complain about it.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand..
People who do not want their children and do everything in their power to protect them.

33. I've come to realize my past...
is just that in the past and I need to look towards a brighter future.

34. I've come to realize that parties...
are the best when there is lots of different kinds of food.

35. I've come to realize that I should always...
Be grateful for what I have